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That is generally all we would wish for our children, our loved ones.

But life gets in the way in all sorts of ways so our health (physical and mental) is not always good and that can significantly impact happiness.

As parents we want to help our children. It is painful for us to see our offspring suffering; limited; not living their best lives. Our instinct is to help, to try and fix them, do what we think is right for them.

It could well be that one resolution to the pain, the distress, the issue, may be the requirement for “professional intervention”. But even that is not straight forward. It is not always obvious what the issue is, so who is it that we need to speak to? It takes time to get appointments, it takes time to be referred. Services exist, but they are stretched, limited and can be patchy in their availability and delivery. Navigating all this process is time consuming, wearing and frustrating. 

And all through this you are watching someone struggling to cope, not managing, possibly deteriorating. It’s hard, we feel guilty, we feel powerless. The stress is there, impacting the whole household and adding to a vicious cycle of negative impacts.

Something that might help you and the person who is struggling, is to try and change the narrative. Move the focus from “trying to fix”, to “trying to support”. There are things we can do to help ourselves. Some of the most lasting “fixes” are the solutions that we as individuals identify and implement. When life feels like it is spiralling out of control, it can feel great to find some positive actions that we can do for ourselves.

In many cases, such as anxiety and depression, there are activities and tools that can be applied to try to intervene. Maintaining a good diet, getting some movement, achieving some social interaction. As a carer these are things you can support your person to achieve. Let them assess what has helped them, and work to do more of that. Evaluate the triggers for times when the issue is worse. Is it when you are hungry, angry, lonely, tired, perhaps (HALT). If so, how can you lessen the likelihood of these situations arising.

It is an element of doing what you can to take responsibility, re-learning, re-evaluating how to manage oneself in these new and scary circumstances. But it is also taking back some control and it can be very powerful if you can recognise that the sum of a few small simple changes to our patterns can have a positive impact. That in turn can start to build momentum that we don’t have to feel helpless. We can have more hope, and perhaps move back towards more happiness. 

No two people are the same so there often aren’t easy fixes. Ultimately the best solutions are those that we work to identify that can work for us in a way that we can apply them. Change is entirely possible, in fact it is possibly one of the few certainties. As individuals we can find ways to make positive changes. Sometimes we need support to do it. But when we start that process and realise the potential, it can also be life changing – for the better.

I first joined The Samaritans in 1992 as a listening volunteer – something I am immensely proud to be part of. As listening volunteers we take calls from people who are in crisis; people who are lonely; people who are struggling and suffering. It really is a privilege to spend time talking and listening to callers, as for many, it is the first time they have been able to share with anyone what they are thinking and feeling. 

They are giving us their trust, opening up about some of their deepest fears, pain and emotions. Listening volunteers work to create a genuine human connection and to “hold” that vulnerable person for however long the call may last. 

As listening volunteers we are not trying to solve their problems. We do not judge. We do not give advice. We provide time and space for the caller to offload and perhaps reflect more widely about their situation. Sometimes the caller leaves the call feeling better and with a clearer idea of how they want to move forward. Often the callers want to move forward but don’t know how. There are times when the caller simply can’t see a solution at all.

The Samaritans has never been in greater demand than it is now. The pressures of modern life mean more people than ever are struggling. Listening is an immensely powerful tool, and learning to be a good listener is a truly valuable skill. I am now also involved in helping to train new volunteers to become effective listeners so they to can provide that vital human connection for people in distress. 

Having the option to talk things through, to offload, is invaluable – but it is not the same as learning how to move forward, past the things that hold us back and cause such pain. Many mental health challenges can be supported and resolved. The impact of past traumas and abuse may be part of someones’s life story, but it does not have to define their future. 

This is my motivation for becoming a Solution Focussed Hypnotherapist: to help people take the next step. When someone recognises they need support, I want to offer a way forward – by helping them understand how their mind works, how patterns of thinking are formed, and how those patterns can be changed. Through this understanding, clients can begin to rewire unhelpful thinking, take back control from past events and break the loops of negative thoughts that keep them stuck.

I am still a listening volunteer with Samaritans and value every contact. 

However, when I am in my therapy space, I am able to do more than listen. I can empower. I can coach. I can support clients to learn and develop new ways of thinking that can free them from the past. 

It never ceases to amaze me how much we cope with. How deeply past experiences and patterns can shape our lives. To support clients to move beyond what has held them back, and to move forward into something better, is not only possible – it is absolutely incredible.

Following on from the very successful course held in January, I am really pleased to say that here is another chance to learn more about how you can function more effectively and find more enjoyment and happiness from life.

The month of March hosts Neurodiversity Celebration Week so it seems a good time to write a blog on this subject.

I am a parent of a child who has been diagnosed as autistic. As a result I have had one experience of neurodiversity. It has shaped how we operate as a family but that is true for any family or group of people learning to co-exist in harmony.

As a term, neurodiversity can lead people to make assumptions and think of stereotypes. 

Neurodiversity, as the name states, presents in many different forms and to many varying levels of intensity. So really, as with the statement that every individual person is different and unique in their own way, it is simply that the impact of neurodiversity can be more noticeable because the differences that neurodiversity brings are often outside the experiences of neurotypicals.

Autism is one of the more publicised manifestations of neurodiversity, but it also includes ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia and tourettes among others. 

As a species, we can sometimes be less understanding about other peoples differences, and we can be prone to making assumptions. What we might regard as normal, does not necessarily apply to others, but our primitive brain may often interpret “difference” as “threat”. A neurodiverse person will have a different understanding of “the world” from us perhaps, but then again, so does someone who is colour blind! 

In a society that is geared around “social norms”, all the noise and stimulus and effort to try and make sense of feelings and phrases, neurodivergent people will struggle with “conforming” and in turn struggle with anxiety, confidence, sleep and other issues of mental health.

Neurodivirsity offers challenges for those who are neurodiverse. The brain is wired a bit differently from neurotypicals. Learning to recognise the differences, accept them for what they are, and learning how best to use them is the challenge. A really important aspect is to recognise that being neurodiverse is certainly not a “disability” but is actually a strength that can be harnessed and applied and should be acknowledged as such. It shouldn’t be something to try and hide because that would be to diminish who we are. 

Solution focussed talking therapy can significantly support people to understand how their brain works. This then naturally moves to recognising that there can be more acceptance and appreciation. Helping clients to identify solutions and establishing strategies and patterns that work for them as individuals can be a real revelation. Over, time with understanding, it can become possible to reframe what were seen as issues to being positive traits and strengths. In turn, this can help individuals develop greater self confidence which is amazing.

Where appropriate, I will work with the families of neurodivergent clients too. They need support to understand that how they approach and respond to life can also have a significant impact on their own wellbeing, which in turn impacts the family as a whole.

I’m happy to be able to announce the dates for my latest Self-Care & Mental Wellbeing short course.

Booking is now open for a four week course to commence on Thursday 11th January at 8pm and the following three consecutive Thursdays (18th, 25th, & 1st Feb). This is an “in person” course being held at Longthorpe Village Hall, Peterborough PE3 6LU. Each session will last one hour, half of which will comprise a section of presentation from myself on topics including neuroscience (how – and more importantly why – our brains operate as they do), sleep, exercise, mental well-being and learning how small changes can enable us to take back more control of our lives and who we really want to be. The second part of each session will be a guided relaxation, giving you time just for yourself to chill out and reset both physically and mentally, supporting your mental health and allowing you to clarify how you would like to move forward in your life.

The cost of the short course is just £40 and places are limited. If you actually want to achieve those New Year resolutions to change things, this course is for you. If you are tired of constantly being in demand, under pressure & drained, just invest in these four hours and you will benefit massively.

To book simply complete the contact form on this website quoting “Self-Care January 24” and I will send you full details.

I look forward to meeting you in person in the New Year. It will be a good start for 2024.

I’ve been active on Facebook since 15th July 2022 and now I have added this website to support my digital footprint.

Actually this website is more intended to inform and support those who are considering hypnotherapy or who are looking for help to live their lives better. Reaching out for help and investigating the options is a really important milestone and I hope that you find this site both interesting and informative.

I am developing my business in a time when the number of people needing support seems to be expanding beyond the capacity of our existing services. If I can help people to find and obtain the support they need then I will be very happy. Feedback is welcome and will help me to reach out more effectively.

Enjoy today, and take every opportunity to find the positive in your day.